Lately, I’ve been battling anxiety, and I must say that it’s one of the most tiring things that I’ve ever dealt with. I know exactly where my anxiety stems from but I struggle with dealing with it. I'm learning day by day my triggers and things that I can do to suppress my anxiety. I find that writing helps, hence why I'm typing this post about my anxiety. I never thought that I’d be dealing with something like anxiety but I realize that it's more common than expected so I don’t feel alone. I'm in the process of getting help for it, but until then I’m trying my best.
Flashback to my first severe encounter with anxiety, I ended up in the hospital. I had an anxiety attack without even knowing what was going on with my body, I just knew that I was scared. If you’ve never had an anxiety attack it feels like you’re dying but can't control what is happening. I just remember crying, and continuously repeating “I'm scared, I'm scared”. When I got to the hospital a doctor told me that if a person was to witness an anxiety attack or heart attack they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. (It’s crazy because as I write this is I’m feeling better and better.) Since that day, I’ve had two anxiety flare-ups but not as severe that it caused a full-on attack. When I noticed what was happening I told myself to calm down and relax.
My most recent flare-up was last night. What triggered it was a movie that I watched which caused me to become trapped in my head with endless thoughts. That soon came to a head, and I ended up breaking down without even knowing why I was crying, I just knew something was wrong with me. I ended up calling a friend to vent. At that moment I realized what exactly is the cause for this and it stems for certain things in my childhood. I realized how my anxiety affects the way I deal with things and people today. In the end, I'm ready to get help for this problem because I can't keep dealing with this. I don’t want the problem to progress and become worse. I'm actually surprised that I’m being this vulnerable but I just want everyone to know that everyone deals with a silent battle. Keep pushing